Kids

I know this isn't a new subject for me, but I have kids on the brain. And not baby fever either. Like, can I really have kids? Do I really want to do that?

We're going on vacation next year, to Mexico for a friend's wedding, and the first thing I saw was that there is a kid's program at the resort, and I freaked. I don't want kids around when I'm on vacation! How bad is that?

Now, I know that one thought isn't enough to make me a bad mom-to-be (if it is to be), but I have those thoughts all the time. I hear a kid whining, and I want to smack it quiet. I see a kid running through a store without the parent, and I want to kick the parent's ass. I just don't know.

Even when we're with kids, I feel uncomfortable. Not when we're with them for just a little while. But like, we went camping with some friends on May long weekend, and I was so uncomfortable with their kids.

I don't know. I'm going back and forth, back and forth. Kids drive me nuts, but do I want to go through my life without kids? Ugh. I don't know. Eff.