Thoughts

So, lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've had quite a bit of time on my hands (and mind) because work has been slow, and hubby has been working a lot.

Basically, it started when we got our dog. She's a sweet dog, but I wasn't sure I wanted to take on that much work. I was terrified, to be honest. And it's turning out exactly how I thought it would - John loves the dog, but I'm doing all of the work. But, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm enjoying her for the most part, but she is still a dog, and a lot more work than my kitties.

Getting the dog got me thinking about kids. I had a panic attack every night for the first few days that we had her. Then I started thinking that I'm never going to be able to handle a kid if I can't even handle a dog! Totally freaked me out. And for a while, I've been thinking that kids might not be for me, or us, I guess I should say. John and I enjoy being able to do what we want, and go where we want to go without having to think about anyone but ourselves. And as some of you know, I haven't been on any kind of birth control for a couple of years, just assuming that if it happened, it happened and we would deal with it when it came up - or didn't.

I've decided that I'm going back on it. No more playing with fire. I'm at the stage now where I am 100% sure that I don't want to have kids in the next couple of years, so it can't hurt to be on it.

Having said that, I've also been thinking about my career. For so long, I've been working a "job" because I knew that within a few years I would be getting pregnant and being a mom would become my career. Now that I'm not sure that is ever going to happen, I need to start thinking about a career. Twice I've started college, planning on getting a degree, and have quit. Right out of high school I did a semester at College of the Rockies, and right before I moved to FSJ I did a couple of courses at Thompson Rivers University. I haven't really achieved anything, post-secondary. I think it's time. I had KB look into some distance learning colleges, and I think I'm going to be heading back to TRU, online. I'm currently thinking I might start a bachelor of arts, and take some different courses and see where I end up. I should be able to transfer the couple of courses I did in 2007 to a bachelor program, and at least be one course ahead. I need to do a bit more research, but I think this is the way I'm going to go. Even if I just get a general bachelor of arts, I think feeling the accomplishment that goes along with it will be key for me. I might find something along the way that I am passionate about, and will want to explore it further. If anything, it will give me a great feeling of worth. That I am worth it to a larger company. That I am worth being in a job that I love, not just one that pays the bills.

I still have a lot of research to do, but I feel that this is a step in the right direction for me. I just wish I hadn't discovered it when I was almost 26!

And, of course, weight loss is always front in my mind. I'm down 13.5 pounds from January 1, and that feels pretty good. I want to be down about 30 by my birthday, so I have 16.5 pounds to go in 81 days (I think). That's approximately a pound and a half per week, and will put me around 183.5 pounds, which is what I was Christmas 2010. I think I can do it, we'll see though!

So, I have lots to sort through in the next little while. I'm not sure when I would start taking courses online, but I'd like to start sometime next month if I can. I should probably get in touch with someone at TRU to get more details. It's dead at work today so I might just be able to do it!

Have a great week everyone - a STRONG week!