Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Am I?

It's been brought to my attention that I might be too hard on myself. Could it be true? I don't know!

I had a screw up at work, and I don't want to get into too much detail because I'll just get frustrated and insolent again, but it may cost us quite a bit of money. And all I can feel is stupid. I made a stupid mistake, and now I feel like an idiot. My boss wasn't mad at all, just said "shit happens" and moved on. Me, I'm freaking out.

I have been programmed by my former AGI boss to expect perfection, and I won't take anything less. In FSJ, when you screwed up, even the tiniest bit, you were reprimanded, usually with him having a freak fit at you. So, I've come to expect nothing less. I chide my co-worker because he screws up all the time, and it's never anything nearly as large as what I did.

He's the one who told me I'm being too hard on myself.

So, I started thinking. Maybe, yes, I am too hard on myself. But how do you stop that? I'm sure that's part of why I overeat and eat things I know are bad for me. It's got to be. But how do you stop the cycle?

This thing at work happened yesterday, and might take a couple of weeks to resolve. If I'm feeling like this for the next few weeks I'm going to go right insane!

But the worst of it is that I can't even tell my husband. I feel too ashamed to admit that I'm not perfect. I know that I'm not, in life in general, but at work, I'm usually aces. Like, I may mess up, but it's small things. This is a big thing. Nothing to mess my job up about, but I can't get it out of my head.

It sucks. I slept very poorly last night because of it. Kept having weird dreams. Good news is that I didn't overeat too badly last night, and I managed to walk quite a bit with Molly. Down another little bit, so that's a helper. At least my personal life isn't suffering so far.

I will get to my weigh in from Sunday. It was such a good one, but I want to be in a good mood when I write the post. Maybe later today I'll feel better. I want to write the post because I feel so good about it, but I don't want my negativity to be in the forefront of the post.

Ok, off to work. Yay (enter sarcasm).

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