So, today started out really well. Food's been awesome today. I think I should come in under 1400 calories for the day! As long as I can keep to the plan, that is. But, as for working out, it hasn't been good at all.
I was supposed to meet my mom for a walk today like normal. I was early into town, so I stopped in to see her before I hit the track to kill some time. All she could talk about was herself! I got so pissed. She was like "I'm going to walk 25 laps, I don't care what you do, but I'm walking 25 laps. When I was walking 25 laps I was doing the best, and I need to lose those 3 pounds that I gained" and just went on and on about herself. It was frustrating. I mean, look at me! I've gained back like 12 pounds since before Christmas, and obviously, I need help. It's not like she doesn't know I'm having problems! When I get the chance to talk when we're together, I talk to her about how I'm gaining and I can't find a way to motivate myself again, and she just ignores it. She gains a few measly pounds, and that's all she can think about. I'm 195 pounds again and all she can talk about is her 3 pounds to get her back down to 173!
And now I'm bawling because I'm so frustrated.
And poor John tried to help, and all I do is snap at him because I'm so mad. I've been getting annoyed with my mom for a while because she's not supporting me at all, and I don't want to seem selfish, but when all she can think about is her own goals, I don't know what to think. I need help! Seriously. Like, I only walked for about 40 minutes, and I doubt that I'll work out again tonight unless John and I do something. It's just so bad. I thought when I quit my job I'd be able to get back on track, but I obviously need some help.
And now I feel like I'm whining. I'm going to go cry some more now. God, I hope this stop soon. I can't handle much more of this.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday - Goals Day! (Week #7)
Well, my first week of not working is over. Time to get back into losing weight!
I weighed in this morning - ready for the scary news? I weighed in at 195 pounds. I'm very disappointed with myself. I thought that I left the 190s behind last year, but nope, they're still present.
Now I have to start thinking realistic goals. What can I do to get this weight off? What was I doing back when it was working? First things first, I know I was writing down everything I was eating. Even if it wasn't something that I should have been eating, I was writing it down. And I was exercising more. So here are the goals (and I am damn well sticking with them this week!):
GOAL #1 - Write down the foods that I eat. That's really the first step in getting this weight off!
GOAL #2 - Work out more! I did ok this week, but I could do better, I know it!
GOAL #3 - No cheats this week! No junk food! No chocolate! Just the good stuff! And if I make it all week, maybe I'll go out and have an ice cream or something to celebrate. One ice cream isn't as bad as several chocolate bars or bags of chips!
I think, with a lot of hard work, I should be able to get to 190 this week. I'll take any loss, but I think I could do it! We'll see how this week pans out!
On a side note, my little niece, Teagan, turns 2 today! I can barely believe it! She was so little at my wedding less than 2 years ago! Just seems crazy. I'm sure I'll go through the same thing around her big sister, Tyhlar's birthday - she's going to be 6 this year! Nuts!
I weighed in this morning - ready for the scary news? I weighed in at 195 pounds. I'm very disappointed with myself. I thought that I left the 190s behind last year, but nope, they're still present.
Now I have to start thinking realistic goals. What can I do to get this weight off? What was I doing back when it was working? First things first, I know I was writing down everything I was eating. Even if it wasn't something that I should have been eating, I was writing it down. And I was exercising more. So here are the goals (and I am damn well sticking with them this week!):
GOAL #1 - Write down the foods that I eat. That's really the first step in getting this weight off!
GOAL #2 - Work out more! I did ok this week, but I could do better, I know it!
GOAL #3 - No cheats this week! No junk food! No chocolate! Just the good stuff! And if I make it all week, maybe I'll go out and have an ice cream or something to celebrate. One ice cream isn't as bad as several chocolate bars or bags of chips!
I think, with a lot of hard work, I should be able to get to 190 this week. I'll take any loss, but I think I could do it! We'll see how this week pans out!
On a side note, my little niece, Teagan, turns 2 today! I can barely believe it! She was so little at my wedding less than 2 years ago! Just seems crazy. I'm sure I'll go through the same thing around her big sister, Tyhlar's birthday - she's going to be 6 this year! Nuts!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday AM
Up early this Saturday morning. I've been having the strangest dreams lately. I can't even describe them. They're believable without actually being believable. They always include people I know, but the events are so random that they don't make sense. Anyway, this one woke me up early.
I think I'll get ready and go do some grocery shopping. While I do have all week to do it now, I still like getting up Saturday mornings and getting it done. I started making Christmas presents yesterday (yup, I did say Christmas presents) and I need to pick up a few things. I start them really early because I make most of my presents. I started this shawl, and I don't think it's going to be adult size. It's looking more like it's going to be for a child, which is ok because I have a couple of nieces, it's just disappointing that it's not going to be adult size, which is what I wanted. I'll have to see how it goes. I still have 8 rows to go, so we'll see.
Have any of you been watching Kitchen Boss on TLC? It's the Cake Boss guy, Buddy, but doing Italian meals instead of cakes. I'm obsessed. It's on during the day, but you can get all the recipes on TLC's website. I'm cooking tortellini soup tonight - I'll let you know how it goes!
50th blog post! Time to celebrate! 50 straight days! Pretty impressive for me!
Have a good Saturday everyone! I'm going to brave the -27 to go get groceries now!
I think I'll get ready and go do some grocery shopping. While I do have all week to do it now, I still like getting up Saturday mornings and getting it done. I started making Christmas presents yesterday (yup, I did say Christmas presents) and I need to pick up a few things. I start them really early because I make most of my presents. I started this shawl, and I don't think it's going to be adult size. It's looking more like it's going to be for a child, which is ok because I have a couple of nieces, it's just disappointing that it's not going to be adult size, which is what I wanted. I'll have to see how it goes. I still have 8 rows to go, so we'll see.
Have any of you been watching Kitchen Boss on TLC? It's the Cake Boss guy, Buddy, but doing Italian meals instead of cakes. I'm obsessed. It's on during the day, but you can get all the recipes on TLC's website. I'm cooking tortellini soup tonight - I'll let you know how it goes!
50th blog post! Time to celebrate! 50 straight days! Pretty impressive for me!
Have a good Saturday everyone! I'm going to brave the -27 to go get groceries now!
Friday, February 18, 2011
First Week Off
Well, the first week is over! Can't believe it. I did get my last paycheck, so it is real! I had a moment about that, but it's all good.
Now, incredibly, I get to pay off our credit card debt. Strange thing to be happening since I'm not working, but it's pretty awesome.
More tomorrow folks! John and I are watching a show about building hydro dams in China!
Now, incredibly, I get to pay off our credit card debt. Strange thing to be happening since I'm not working, but it's pretty awesome.
More tomorrow folks! John and I are watching a show about building hydro dams in China!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Frustration
So, I'm having a frustration day. I'm frustrated with the lack of weight loss that I'm seeing, even if I know it's my own fault. I'm just gaining and gaining, and even though I'm working out, it's not working. I might just be frustrated with myself, but I'm having a really had time motivating myself to do anything about it.
Yesterday I worked out quite a bit - an hour at the track, plus an hour of the Biggest Loser Ultimate workout and Zumba Fitness with my Xbox. But nothing. Just gain. I was really hoping to find my motivation since I'm not working, but I haven't found it yet. Yes, I'm only on day 4 of being officially off, but I don't know how many days off I'm going to have, and I was hoping to take advantage. Just not happening yet.
Mom and I are trying to figure something out, but so far, nothing.
I want to be able to get outside again, and go hiking, and walk the trails, and stuff like that, but it's -26 outside right now, and it's not an option. I want to get out on my snowshoes, but I still can't do that because it's too cold. Yes, that is an excuse, but seriously, there's a windchill warning for being out for more than 5 minutes. That's just impossible. It's supposed to get warmer out this weekend, so I want to take advantage, but I can't keep waiting for the warm weather.
Yesterday I went to the track even though I wasn't planning on leaving the house, which is good, but it's even getting monotonous. For me, it's just like going to the gym. Gets boring after a while. I mean, everything does. But I need to find a way to push through it.
I keep thinking about why I'm doing this. I'm actually pretty comfortable with my body right now, which is unusual. But I think that might be the slump that I'm in. Really, I need to start thinking more about WHY I'm doing this. WHY am I trying to lose weight.
1. To eventually have a baby. I know that you don't have to be skinny to have a baby - lots of overweight people have babies. But I want to be at my healthy weight when I have a baby to give it the best chance I can to be healthy. And, if I'm healthy while pregnant, it should be easier on me.
2. To be healthy. Not just for the reason I just said, but for myself. My family is riddled with health problems (on both sides - diabetes being the biggest on BOTH sides of my family, not just one) and I need to get my weight down to keep some of those things at bay.
3. Self esteem! HUGE! I was so much more confident when my weight was in the 160s. Right now, that's over 30 pounds away. So far. But, I felt so much better about myself. I know weight really doesn't matter to the people who matter, but you know how it is.
So, I know that there may be more reasons to want to get healthy, but these are mine. Now I need to figure out how I'm going to achieve it. I've tried Slim Fast, and had success. But I'm at home now. All the time. Slim Fast is not an option. I know that I should be trying to follow another diet, but the restrictions really get to me. My sister has told me about the Eat Clean Diet, and maybe today I'll stop in to Coles and pick up the book to see what it's like. I just don't know. If anyone out there has any tips for me, please message me! I'm just having a hell of a time. Need some ideas!
And I think support is an issue. John's too busy to really think about supporting me, and I get that, but maybe I need to sit down and have a chat with him about what I need from him. My mom is trying now, but it's hard too. She works a varying schedule, and right now it works for me, but once I'm back to work I'm pretty much on my own again. And that's really hard for me. That just means I need to figure this out on my own, I guess! Sigh.
Ok, time to get my butt in gear. John's expecting lunch (I forgot to make it for him last night so now I have to bring it to him) and I still haven't had a shower! Time to get my ass moving!
Have a good day all! If you have any ideas or inspiration for me, I'd love to hear it!
(PS: I did go to the bookstore today to look for the Eat Clean Diet book, but being as lame as usual, the bookstore did not have it, so I went back to my standby - The Biggest Loser. I bought the 30 Day Jump Start, so I'm going to take a read, figure it out, and make Monday the day everything changes. I'm still going to work out and things at home here and at the track, but I will definitely be changing it up - stay tuned!)
Yesterday I worked out quite a bit - an hour at the track, plus an hour of the Biggest Loser Ultimate workout and Zumba Fitness with my Xbox. But nothing. Just gain. I was really hoping to find my motivation since I'm not working, but I haven't found it yet. Yes, I'm only on day 4 of being officially off, but I don't know how many days off I'm going to have, and I was hoping to take advantage. Just not happening yet.
Mom and I are trying to figure something out, but so far, nothing.
I want to be able to get outside again, and go hiking, and walk the trails, and stuff like that, but it's -26 outside right now, and it's not an option. I want to get out on my snowshoes, but I still can't do that because it's too cold. Yes, that is an excuse, but seriously, there's a windchill warning for being out for more than 5 minutes. That's just impossible. It's supposed to get warmer out this weekend, so I want to take advantage, but I can't keep waiting for the warm weather.
Yesterday I went to the track even though I wasn't planning on leaving the house, which is good, but it's even getting monotonous. For me, it's just like going to the gym. Gets boring after a while. I mean, everything does. But I need to find a way to push through it.
I keep thinking about why I'm doing this. I'm actually pretty comfortable with my body right now, which is unusual. But I think that might be the slump that I'm in. Really, I need to start thinking more about WHY I'm doing this. WHY am I trying to lose weight.
1. To eventually have a baby. I know that you don't have to be skinny to have a baby - lots of overweight people have babies. But I want to be at my healthy weight when I have a baby to give it the best chance I can to be healthy. And, if I'm healthy while pregnant, it should be easier on me.
2. To be healthy. Not just for the reason I just said, but for myself. My family is riddled with health problems (on both sides - diabetes being the biggest on BOTH sides of my family, not just one) and I need to get my weight down to keep some of those things at bay.
3. Self esteem! HUGE! I was so much more confident when my weight was in the 160s. Right now, that's over 30 pounds away. So far. But, I felt so much better about myself. I know weight really doesn't matter to the people who matter, but you know how it is.
So, I know that there may be more reasons to want to get healthy, but these are mine. Now I need to figure out how I'm going to achieve it. I've tried Slim Fast, and had success. But I'm at home now. All the time. Slim Fast is not an option. I know that I should be trying to follow another diet, but the restrictions really get to me. My sister has told me about the Eat Clean Diet, and maybe today I'll stop in to Coles and pick up the book to see what it's like. I just don't know. If anyone out there has any tips for me, please message me! I'm just having a hell of a time. Need some ideas!
And I think support is an issue. John's too busy to really think about supporting me, and I get that, but maybe I need to sit down and have a chat with him about what I need from him. My mom is trying now, but it's hard too. She works a varying schedule, and right now it works for me, but once I'm back to work I'm pretty much on my own again. And that's really hard for me. That just means I need to figure this out on my own, I guess! Sigh.
Ok, time to get my butt in gear. John's expecting lunch (I forgot to make it for him last night so now I have to bring it to him) and I still haven't had a shower! Time to get my ass moving!
Have a good day all! If you have any ideas or inspiration for me, I'd love to hear it!
(PS: I did go to the bookstore today to look for the Eat Clean Diet book, but being as lame as usual, the bookstore did not have it, so I went back to my standby - The Biggest Loser. I bought the 30 Day Jump Start, so I'm going to take a read, figure it out, and make Monday the day everything changes. I'm still going to work out and things at home here and at the track, but I will definitely be changing it up - stay tuned!)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Books of 2011 - #6
Hard Truth by Mariah Stewart
Pretty interesting book. Another one from my friend Trish. Seems to me that this one is part of a series, and I am interested in reading more. It start out really slow, but it was interesting. You could definitely tell who was the killer about 3/4 of the way through, but I was unsure right up until the end. Read it if you like a but of a thriller, but more of a calm thriller, if you can understand that!
Pretty interesting book. Another one from my friend Trish. Seems to me that this one is part of a series, and I am interested in reading more. It start out really slow, but it was interesting. You could definitely tell who was the killer about 3/4 of the way through, but I was unsure right up until the end. Read it if you like a but of a thriller, but more of a calm thriller, if you can understand that!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Unemployed - Day #2
Good day so far today! Right now I'm watching the Hawaii 5-0 episode from last night and vegging out. Today's pretty much just a veg day. This morning was pretty much a write off, I slept in too late and didn't get anything done. And then I had lunch with the Oil Wives, which was good, but the food was lame. I tried eating healthy and I did not enjoy myself. So, now I want to just eat and eat and eat because I wasn't satisfied. I guess I know now to stick with what I want when I'm out for lunch. I don't do it very often so I guess I can just enjoy myself. Then I went for a walk with my mom. Not too shabby.
But not I should get some housework done, and then start on dinner. Making Shepherd's Pie for dinner, and I've never done that before. I've been thinking about all the cool things I can try to make now that I'm not working. John's going to get fat...LOL. Now hopefully I can start losing more. The guys at work are loving that I'm not working so that they can get baking. Lots of it. I love to bake, but I really shouldn't be eating all of it!
Now to crochet. I finally got the ball of wool I needed to finish a baby blanket and I think I should be able to finish today or first thing tomorrow. Check the photo below!
But not I should get some housework done, and then start on dinner. Making Shepherd's Pie for dinner, and I've never done that before. I've been thinking about all the cool things I can try to make now that I'm not working. John's going to get fat...LOL. Now hopefully I can start losing more. The guys at work are loving that I'm not working so that they can get baking. Lots of it. I love to bake, but I really shouldn't be eating all of it!
Now to crochet. I finally got the ball of wool I needed to finish a baby blanket and I think I should be able to finish today or first thing tomorrow. Check the photo below!
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| Not the best photo, but you get the point. |
And hello to my first follower (official, I know there are a few of you that read regularly!) - another wonderful woman named Kara! Another blog for me to follow!
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