Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Day 26

Wow. 26 days. I know that isn't too long, but that is long enough (or almost) to create a, habit created! And it's a good one!

I'm still struggling with quitting my job. I am so unhappy in it, and I know that a new job would make me happier, but I can't imagine not doing my job. There are times when I think it's not too bad. Then I hate it. Then I think it's not too bad. Then I think it's bad. It's driving me mental. I don't know if I should quit without having a new job, or wait, or wait until I go absolutely nuts. Then I think I can't do that to my boss, that I'm just making it up that I'm so unhappy. Then I think about last night, and how I came home from our staff meeting and it was either cry my night away, or chug a beer and make the frustration go away. I had beer for dinner last night. That should be a low point. But I don't know if quitting to quit is the best idea. I think I have a strong work ethic, and I don't think I can just not work. I know I talk about it all the time - I mean, I can't wait to have a kid because that means I won't be working for a few years, just work as a mom - but I don't think I can just quit. John keeps telling me to quit, but I don't know if I can do it. I know I'm going to rock the boat, and I can't do it. I feel like I'll be letting my boss down. Stupid, right? I know I should be thinking about myself in this situation, and John. John is making enough money now that I don't even technically have to work, but I don't know if I can't work. I think it would make me depressed, and then months later we'd be back in debt and I wouldn't be working. UGH. Man oh man.

I need to talk to John about this so badly. I need to sound this all out. He told me to quit today, but I couldn't do it - I honestly don't know if I can at all. Pull the BandAid. That's what John keeps telling me to do. Gotta do it, I guess. I need to get rid of this damn guilt though! UGH. It would be so much easier if I just had another job - or if my boss didn't care about us. Dammit. I'm so screwed.

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